Pick Heaven or Hell
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St.Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good- bye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.
So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," he said.
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and Filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled. "Yesterday we were recruiting you; today you're staff."
Really Funny Jokes - Betting
Two old cronies went into a drug store in the downtown part of New York City, and, addressing the proprietor by his first name, one of them said:
"Dr. Charley, we have made a bet of the ice-cream sodas. We will have them now and when the bet is decided the loser will drop in and pay for them."
As the two old fellows were departing after enjoying their temperance beverage, the druggist asked them what the wager was.
"Well," said one of them, "our friend George bets that when the tower of the Singer Building falls, it will topple over toward the North River, and I bet that it won't."
Why Eat Vegetables when there is Chocolates
A bear that was apparently craving something sweet broke into a home in San Bernardino County and devoured a box of chocolates that was in the refrigerator.
A couple in San Antonio Heights arrived home on Saturday afternoon and found the bear in their kitchen, said Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Alsky. They immediately called for help.
The bear had gone by the time sheriff's deputies arrived.
The animal appeared to have pushed aside vegetables in the couple's fridge in favor of a two-pound box of chocolates, Alsky said.
He said the bear also tried to open a bottle of champagne, but was not successful.
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Kid reading bible
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree. The leaf had been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"
Joke of the Day - Diet
The doctor told him he needed carbohydrates, proteids, and above all, something nitrogenous. The doctor mentioned a long list of foods for him to eat. He staggered out and wabbled into a Penn avenue restaurant.
"How about beefsteak?" he asked the waiter. "Is that nitrogenous?"
The waiter didn't know.
"Are fried potatoes rich in carbohydrates or not?"
The waiter couldn't say.
"Well, I'll fix it," declared the poor man in despair. "Bring me a large plate of hash."
Saying "I love you"
How to say, "I love you" in 20 different languages:
english . . . . . . . . . .I love you
spanish . . . . . . .. . te amo
french . . . . . . . . . . je t'aime
german . . . . . . . . . .lch liebe dich
japanese . . . . . . .. .ai s**** imasu
italian . . . . . . . . . .. ti amo
chinese . . . . . . . . . . wo ai ni
swedish . . . . . . . . . .jag alskar
alabama, arkansas, oklahoma, texas, louisiana, south carolina, georgia, tennessee, west virginia, mississippi, north carolina and kentucky:
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nice tits!
